And those who can stomach kiwi humour can try watching Jonathan King's Black Sheep.
I highly recommend a visit to Amsterdam's Photography Museum to take a look at Taryn Simon's portfolio "An American Index of the Hidden and the Unfamiliar". (Above: One example of hidden, unfamiliar exhibits; but no worries, not all photos are as depressing as this one! Ooops!)
Today three cars belonging to BirdLife Malta volunteers were torched by unknown individuals. Since Malta joined the European Union in 2004, the government has continued to allow the infringement of EU law aimed at the conservation of wild birds and their habitat. The Maltese government has allowed the spring hunting and trapping of Turtle Dove and Quail in direct violation of the EU law and hunters have used this as a blanket to kill protected species.
Today the Guardian reports on the first map drawn up by scientists to illustrate the indelible mark left by fishing, climate change and pollution on the world's oceans. Scientists found that almost no areas have been left pristine and more than 40% of the world's oceans have been heavily affected.Tinirau was a great chief, famous throughout the land for his handsome looks and his noble bearing. But he was even better known for his school of whales.
When he called them, they would come and play off shore, cruising round in circles and blowing spray through their vent holes. His favourite was Tutunui, the largest of his whales. Tinirau liked nothing better than to climb upon his back and ride him through the breakers, and out into the stormy sea. He would look down on the flying waves and feel safe, as if he were on an island.
Now Tinirau had a son and, when the boy came of age, he wished to have him properly baptised, so that he would grow into a great warrior, like himself.
His people made special preparations for a feast, and friends from miles around arrived to take part in the celebrations. Kae, who was a priest of the highest rank, was invited to conduct the service, and on the day of the feast he and his followers arrived in a canoe.
After the service was over, there was much feasting and merriment, but at last the supplies of food ran out. Kae was about to depart when Tinirau rose and said, "Wait, there is more to eat."
Then Tinirau stood on the shore and began calling, "Tutunui, Tutunui! Come at once. I need you."
"Who are you calling?" said Kae, shading his eyes and looking out to sea. "There is nobody out there."
But Tinirau went on calling, until the sea heaved and swirled, as the huge bulk of Tutunui, streaming with water, rose into view. Tinirau went up to him and, to Kae's astonishment, cut off a large slice of his flesh.
"He is so big," said Tinirau, "he will never miss it." He gave the flesh to the women, and they cooked it, and gave a piece to Kae, who swore that he had never eaten flesh that had tasted better.
But now it was time to go. Kae, who had an evil plan in his mind, went up to Tinirau and said, my home is far away, and my friends must miss me. Lend me your whale so that I can get home quickly."
When Tinirau looked doubtful, Kae said, "Who baptised your son? Was it not I? Lend me your whale. It is but a small favour that I ask of you."
Tinirau was very reluctant to lend his whale, but he did not wish to offend Kae by refusing, for as well as being a priest, Kae was a magician who had the power to harm him, if he chose to.
"Very well," he said, "but you must be careful, especially as you approach land. The whale knows when it is not safe for him to go further. As soon as he gives a shake, you must get off. If you stay on his back, he will keep going until he becomes stranded in shallow water, where he will die."
"I understand," said Kae. "I shall do nothing to exchange him."
Then he climbed on to the back of the huge beast, and it seemed no time before he was approaching the shore of his village. There was his carved meeting-house looking handsome in the sunlight. There were his children running down to the shore, shouting and pointing their fingers at the strange sight of their father on the back of a whale.
He felt the whale give a shake, but he took no notice. The children were close now, and were coming closer. The whale gave another shake, but now it was too late. He had gone to far and was well and truly stranded.
What a feast was held that night in Kae's village! The rich smell of cooked flesh rose from the ovens, and was carried by the wind far along the coast to where Tinirau was standing, waiting for his pet to return.
"Alas!" he said. "That is the sweet smell of Tutunui that the north wind brings to me." And he went to his house and wept, and his sisters gathered round and wept with him.
When he had recovered from his grief, Tinirau resolved to avenge the treacherous killing of Tutunui. He ordered his sisters to go in search of Kae.
"Search every village, if you must," he said. "But find him, and bring him to me alive. Travel as entertainers, and no one will suspect the true purpose of your mission."
"We shall gladly go," said his sisters. "But you must tell us how to recognise him, for in his country there are many people."
"Kae has such crooked teeth that he is ashamed of them, and rarely opens his mouth. Therefore, to recognise him you must make him laugh."
Tinirau's sisters left by canoe. They travelled through Kae's country, performing at each village that they came to, but nowhere was there any sign of Kae.
It seemed that their search would be fruitless, and then one evening they came to a village in a remote part of the coast. As they passed through the gate, they heard the rattle of bones. Something told them that they were the bones of Tutunui rattling in recognition of their presence.
The sisters were made welcome by the people of the village, and asked to perform for them. They went into the meeting-house and there they saw a man whom they suspected was Kae himself. He was sitting at the foot of the main post that supported the ridge-pole. He was covered to the chin with mats, and his head was lowered.
Determined to make laugh, the sisters performed their comic dances and told bawdy jokes. The audience roared with laughter but Kae's head remained lowered. They then put on their most grotesque performance, full of comic eye-rollings, grimaces, indecent gestures and contortions of the body, until even Kae could not contain himself, but burst out laughing.
The search was over! Kae's crooked teeth had given him away.
The sisters at once ceased their dance, and began to utter a powerful incantation. It grew louder and louder, until it sounded like a rushing wind, and when it died away everyone had fallen asleep - everyone, that is, except Kae. His eyes were still glinting in the flickering light from the dying fire.
But the sisters were not deceived. They went forward and shook Kae gently by the shoulder, and his head slumped forward, and two pieces of iridescent paua shell fell on to the ground. He had placed them in his eyes to make them believe he was still awake.
The sisters lost no time. They tied him up in a mat and carried him down to their canoe, and paddled back to their village. They took him to Tinirau's house, and placed at the foot of the main post that supported the ridge-pole, so that when he awoke he would think he was still in his own house. Then they woke him up.
"Kae," they said, "where are you?"
Kae woke up and said, "Why, in my own house! Where should I be?"
"Kae, look about you, and tell us again where you are."
And Kae looked about him, and nothing that he saw outside was familiar. Then he knew he was doomed, and he hung his head and began to wail. When he looked up, Tinirau was standing before him, a club raised in his hand.
Before he brought it down, he cried, "Did Tutumui make so loud a noise when you slaughtered him?"
Then Tinirau killed Kae, and afterwards ate him. And thus was Tutunui, his pet whale, amply avenged.
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